Dread

How can a fiction take such hold of my mind? I am trapped in a delusional paranoia, i wander the halls of my home I peer into darkened rooms, I open closets to chack and recheck... Last night I heard a scream from inside my house. It was faint and faraway, but it did not come from the neighbors, and I was alone. I hear thumps and thuds, I head creaks and crunches and somehow--was that laughter HOLY SHIT!

This is wrong--but it is the two a.m. thought too tired and the caffeine is long gone but the neural drain is still there and oh. lord but this makes you edgy and... edgy.

Was drinking cheap beer last night, probably some brand that you love to hate and will drink if you have no money (per usual) or there is nothing else available, because you want to get drunk. And I was playing Wario's Woods--rock on Nintendo, bitches. But seriously. And I got that paranoid feeling, like there was something behind me and I closed the door to the bedroom which I never do and suddenly I felt safer. Which is ridiculous because you know if the killer is sneaking intot he house a closed door makes it easier for him to get close before springing. And of course, as you know, once you're trapped in the bedroom you have to climb out the window into the roof to escape--but the I can't do that in the three seconds between the door bursting open clattery on its hinges and the hulking rain-dripping dead-eyes axe-holding killer lunges forward splitting my head like an overripe watermelon. No I can't get out because the screens on the windows are good for keeping people from breaking in (maybe) and then all you see is the computer screen with the happy music and the falling bunny heads and the cute explosions and there's my brain leaking out onto the oriental rug.

But so then as I was thinking about this I fucked up the game and lost. Dammit. So I took a shower, sang myself a song, and attempted to sound out a bit of Finnegans Wake which if you've ever seen you know is in-fucking-possible to read. Good night. But thehn so I was still awake two hours later thinking about things in my house.

This is worse than when I had to cover my TV with a blanket after I watched "The Ring" in a dark room. Who can I hug?